A New Way to Love: The Theory behind Imago

In his ground-breaking book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. shares the ideas, tools and practices called Imago Relationship Therapy. Your “imago,” the Latin term for “image,” is essentially a composite picture of the people who most influenced you at an early age, usually your parents or primary care givers.

Dr. Hendrix believes that you subconsciously choose a partner, an “Imago match,” who possesses the positive and negative traits of your parents: positive because we want more of the good experiences of our childhood; negative to remind us of what needs to be resolved. This partner then has the potential to help us heal the unresolved issues from our childhood.

Imago Relationship Therapy

Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of counseling for relationships that suggests that your partnership is therapeutic—that you become healed not directly by a counselor, but by your partner and the relationship itself. The Imago Relationship Therapist, through couples counseling and workshops, acts as a guide and coach, mentoring you and your partner to integrate the ideas and skills that will create a relationship of your dreams, while you heal and grow together.

Unresolved childhood pain such as abandonment, criticism, smothering, shame, rejection, abuse, helplessness, and the feeling of “not being good enough,” often resurface in your relationship and are at the core of the pain and conflict you may experience. The partner you chose, your “Imago match,” is often the best person to help you heal these wounds because he or she is similar to your childhood caretakers in certain emotionally significant ways. The understanding and practices for accomplishing this healing also lead to mutual growth and increased safety, passion and fun in the relationship.

Resources

A variety of books, audio and video tapes, and other resources can be found by logging on to GettingTheLoveYouWant.com. A list of useful publications follows:

• Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
  (New York: Harper Collins, 2001).
• Harville Hendrix, Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
  (New York: Pocket Books, 1992).
• Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Giving the Love That Heals: A Guide for Parents
  (New York, Pocket Books, 1997).
• Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Receiving Love
  (New York: Atria Books, 2004).
• Francine Beauvoir, Raising Cooperative & Self Confident Children
  (Altadena: Pasadena Press, 1997).